When I was younger, I used to get in trouble for reading long after my parents told me to turn my light off and go to bed. All. The. Time. Seriously, my dad often came in and took the light from my room, ha ha. (Joke was on him, though, I had a stash of flashlights!) I'd also frequently get in trouble for reading instead of doing my homework--which just meant I'd have to do my homework at the kitchen table where my parents could see me. Fine, no big deal. I get it.
But the other day, on one of my pretty much weekly trips to Borders, I walked into the store behind two parents. The father was complaining. He said (verbatim): "I can't believe you're buying her a book. After the way she's been acting, she doesn't deserve one."
The mom looked at him, said "you're right", and they turned around and left!! My jaw was left somewhere near my knees. I just can't see withholding books as punishment for a child. Or, for that matter, ever thinking a kid doesn't
deserve a book.
Okay, okay--and maybe there were extenuating circumstances. Maybe the child in question has tons of books. Maybe money was tight and a new book was hard to afford, especially if she'd been acting up (though they drove off in a shiny BMW, so I don't think that was the case). Maybe... I don't know, I can't really think of anything else... I mean, I could see using a book as i
ncentive to reward good behavior. But would there ever be a reason to keep a book from your child as punishment?
I'm not a parent, so I really don't know the answer to that. Obviously, I'm inclined to think if your kid likes to read, you should be happy about it--and
not deny their love of reading to make a point about something else. (Unless maybe they're sent straight to bed without being allowed to read for a night here or there... And that's a BIG maybe.)
What's your take?
Well I used to have the same issues growing up. Reading too much not wanting to sleep or do homework....hmm i still have that problem now. But I will admit the one punishemnt that drove me crazy was when my mom took away my "fun" books and all i had left were my school books. To this point i can see withholding books for behavior but not for long. However if the child is like mine who i am trying to encourage to read more then no i would not use it as a form of punishment. It all depends on the child.
ReplyDeleteI am a parent and a former reading/English teacher. This breaks my heart. There are plenty of other "privileges" to take away. I'd like to think the parents decided to go to the library instead.
ReplyDeleteThe reason I have... ahem... 42 books that I have purchased and not yet read is because my parents would buy me books whenever I asked for them.
ReplyDeleteThis is what I think: the kid was a pyromaniac, and every time the parents bought her a book, she set it on fire. That's the only explanation I can come up with. That or perhaps she throws hardbacks at things, and they break. Or maybe she's like me and has 50 books at home she hasn't read, but demands new ones (oh it's a disease...)
Maybe it wasn't so much that they were buying her a BOOK as that they were about to BUY her something after she'd been bad--if they had been in an ice cream shop, or a clothing store, the dad would've said the same thing. That's the only explanation I can think of.
No, I don't see reasoning behind refusing a child a book. Then again I grew up in a home where reading was discouraged and you weren't allowed to use those 'big' words. (Hugs)Indigo
ReplyDeleteYeah when I first started reading Harry Potter my parents got on me for bad grades and they told me I couldn't read them anymore. I just went behind their backs and read them. That's just not fair to take books away from kids.
ReplyDeleteHmm, I kind of see this as just buying the child anything wasn't a good idea at the time. If it was a DVD or new socks, they probably would've done the same thing. Not that I agree with it. These days if a child wants to read, it should really be encouraged like WHOA!
ReplyDeleteI used to try reading at the dinner table with my book in my lap. I thought I was being super sneaky. But it really wasn't! I remember my parents used to give me that smile like they were saying, "Are you kidding me?" Hahaha!
I'm afraid to comment since I'm a minority of one here. I have three daughters, ages 3-8. While most kids get toys and whatnot as rewards for achievements, in our house its books. Our kids love books, devour them, and no punishment is more severe than the withholding of a book. I can't speak to the family you were behind (wasn't us since a beamer isn't exactly in our budget, at least not before the two ailing cars are fixed, the house is repaired, school is paid for, and dinner's made. Maybe tomorrow, as my three year old would say ;) ), but I know even before these "lean times" books are a special reward and treat. To own a book is even more special - Dad won't demand to know where its at so it can go back to the library. Ever. You can have it to read and read and read as many times as you want, because its all yours.
ReplyDeleteI should probably stop commenting now before you all lynch me up by my dungarees.
I can definitely see getting your child a book as a reward for doing something well. But withholding a book - never. Unless the kid was doing something really, really terrible. (Then again, I can see it going the other way, too. You've been bad, so I'm taking away other privileges but letting you read. So they associate being bad with reading. Hm...it's tough. Which is why I'm not a parent yet.)
ReplyDeleteI actually saw a kid in the bookstore with his mom once who had the whole Percy Jackson set. His mom said she went out and got it because she was just thrilled he was showing interest in a book, and she wanted to encourage it, so she took him out right away for the set. I loved that.
Being a mom of four I would love to chime in!! I love to see them delve into a good book ESP when tv and video games are more prevalent. The discipline (much better word than punishment!!) has to be tailored to the child in question. Withholding any item can only be for a very limited time, but if the natural consequence envolves a book then it has to envolve a book! Suffering natural consequences is the best teacher of all disciplines!! Happy parenting!!
ReplyDeleteI saw something on an Amazon comment that said something to the effect of, "My 15 year old boy read this while he was grounded and loved it! He said he'd read more the next time I took away his gadgets." So it seems that this was kind of the opposite. The books were being almost used as a punishment...
ReplyDeleteNever. I would never, ever use books to punish a child. In fact, I tell my kids that a book is the one thing they can ask for that I'll never say no to. My daughter (5yo) never fails to take me up on it. :-)
ReplyDeleteI've never withheld books as a form of punishment. I've taken away gameboy, playstation, computer time, but NEVER books. I do know that my son LOVES books. I don't see using them as a punishment. I couldn't bring myself to do it.
ReplyDelete1) If you don't want to buy your kid a book, there's this thing called a LIBRARY where you can get them in GRATIS (for free)
ReplyDelete2) There are too many kids who hate reading out there. Be happy that they want to read; don't deny them from it. I'm still a student, and I have way to many classmates who refuse to read. A friend of mine has probably finished about 3 books in her entire life.
3)Overall, taking away a book is pointless. The kid can always sneak one in from the aforementioned library or from a friend. (I borrow books from a classmate of mine on occasion, and have lent out several)
4) Furthermore, the kid can buy books her/him self. And there's also online contests to enter.
I'm not a parent, but my parents have done things like this to my sister and I. When we were little, to punish my sister my parents boxed up her Babysitter's Club books and put them in the garage. I can say it really worked because my sister loves to read. It's like taking away the TV or the phone if they like to watch TV or talk to their friends. Getting a book as a kid was always a good thing and I knew I was being punished if my parents said I didn't deserve one. I think this type of thing only works with kids who are die hard readers, not ones that didn't really like reading in the first place.
ReplyDeleteAlas, I have turned into my mother and take away books as punishment. We are a bookish family and my kids adore books, so I have to stick it where it hurts. Their teachers are aghast at this, but most come to realize this works for my kids.
ReplyDeleteYour post reminded me of something that I overheard in Borders a few weeks ago. A boy of about 10 saw a book and was excited about it. He asked his dad if he could get the book, and his dad said, "Why would you want that when I can get you a toy or video game instead?"
ReplyDeleteARGH! I am all for toys and video games, but if the kid wants a book, let him have it! It is hard enough to get kids (esp. boys) to read.
It may be a mistake the parents live to regret.
ReplyDeleteSaying that, perhaps the said child will be something like you, Sara, and have a few books stashed away under her bed for such occasions :)
Either way, a child who loves books will always read books.
PS. I left a little something in my blog for you :)
BEST comments ever today!
ReplyDeleteI've loved reading everyone's opinions =) And to everyone who's agreed with using books toward punishment? I also can see where you're coming from.
Thanks to all of you =)
I always left books everywhere for my kids to 'stumble upon'. If I said 'here, read this' my son ran the other way. My way worked. My daughter followed me into reader land! I believe I even provided the flashlights for the room (don't tell my hubby!)
ReplyDeleteGood topic. Yeah, there is no way I would take away reading privs as a punishment. I spend too much time encouraging the older son to find books that he is interested in.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a parent, but both my husband and I were such readers growing up that being sent to our rooms (with our books) was no punishment at all. I can see taking away books as a punishment for a die-hard reader, but I don't know... it just doesn't sit well with me. I'd rather take away all the other privileges first than that one.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a parent. And when I become one, I can't imagine ever taking away books as a punishment. But in a way, I actually see this punishment as optomistic. Parents take TV and video games and things like that away from kids all the time. And if there is a kid that loves books so much that not being able to read is the worst punishment imaginable. Well that's good right?
ReplyDeleteI should add that we don't have TV or video games to take away ... so books are it.
ReplyDeleteWow Sara, you've really struck a nerve here, it seems! Haha =)
ReplyDeleteMy baby isn't born yet, but I have several family members with small children, and the most effective forms of discipline I've seen with them is to take away whatever they love most when they are intentionally disobedient.
For example, my youngest niece LOVES her clothes. She was doing something disobedient - can't remember what - and her mother told her that if she did it again, she would no longer be allowed to pick out her own clothes for school every day. Sure enough, she did it again, and all the clothes went into a giant Rubbermaid container. Her mom picked out her outfits for her every morning, and gave her one outfit back for every day she was obedient. It worked like a friggin charm.
So what I'm saying is, sometimes you have to get 'em right where it hurts, because otherwise they won't learn. And if that means books, then it means books. TV, phone, car keys, whatever.
That's just my humble opinion.
This totally depends on the child. In the past, when i've taken away my child's reading time because they weren't following directions - it was the only thing to motivate her. But I used it as a natural consequence. If she can't get up in time in the morning or is really grumpy, then she can't stay up late reading. Very natural.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the commenters who said that you have to take away what the child loves the most. Now in my case, I've had a lot of trouble getting my oldest to like reading, so I would NEVER take away books as a form of punishment. Cell phone yes, but not books:)
ReplyDeleteEveryone else said what I was thinking. All depends on the child.
ReplyDeleteLike you for example, I'm so gonna take away your books if you start acting up or giving me any lip. So watch it. ;)
I don't know, taking away books just bothers me. Besides, when a kid is in her room reading, they're quiet! I'd find something else.
ReplyDeleteWhoa. I've never thought to hold out on books as a punishment. That just seems wrong. Unless of course it's a commercial book like Strawberry Shortcake XXXVI. Then maybe :)
ReplyDeleteMy kids have bookshelves groaning with books they could read. There's always the library. I would never tell them they couldn't read, that's nonsensical. But buying a new book when their attitude has been lacking? I have trouble supporting that. Would you buy them a new dress or game? Your not saying they can't wear the clothes they have or play the games already in their closets...you're just refraining from adding to their stash.
ReplyDeleteWhile books are good for them in the same way fruits and veggies are good for the body, it does not mean they are an irrevocable right. But that's just my 2 cents.
My 6 year old is like me and will buy and devour any book he can get his hands on (of course he's still at the stage where I have to read most of it to him, but that's ok).
ReplyDeleteThere have been times when my husband would say the same thing though! We're at the mall, I go the book store, but my son has been acting up all day, then no new book for him.
It's not like he doesn't have hundreds more at home to read....
And in no way does it discourage him from wanting to read! It makes him behave so he can have the new book next time. And while he's waiting he still has plenty of yummy books we haven't read yet! (we just bought him the whole Magic Tree House library and we are devouring them together at night!)
This is a tough one, but I lean toward using something else for a form of punishment. I have a hard time taking books away. We beg and plead for our kids to read. Lets support that. Take away TV, cell phone, anything, but a book, IMO.
ReplyDeleteSara, I am always amazed at your acknowledgement and thought towards multicultural backgrounds. Not only are you an incredible writer but I am amazed at your ability to inadvertently educate. :)
ReplyDeleteI used to have the stories I was writing taken away from me when I got bad grades because I would rather be writing than studying, but I never had my reading books taken away. I can't imagine acting so bad that I wasn't allowed to read.
ReplyDelete