Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I Got a Ticking Clock - But It Ain't My Biological One

Some girls feel each and every tick in their internal "it's time to have a baby" clock.

I, on the other hand, feel each and every tick in my internal Author Clock*.

Currently, I consider myself a writer - I'm happy to. But I want that Author title. Opinions, I'm sure, differ on this, but I won't consider myself an author until I'm published... or at least agented!

With all the research I've done and people I've spoken to and communities I've become a part of - I'm no fool. I know that it's a long, long road. I know there will be (possibly a lot of) rejections. That's the way of the industry and I am mentally prepared for it.

But I'm not even there yet. I'm only half way done with my first draft of my first novel. Before I can even begin to send out queries, I have to finish the draft, edit it, rewrite sections, edit it, rewrite sections, edit it... And it's not a fast process. (Well, not if I want to have a well crafted novel anyway.) When I look to the future, when I dream about being successful, I can't help but be struck with fear about how far away it might be.

Again, mentally I am prepared for the long haul, but physically I feel the pull in my gut. Every minute. Every second I'm not writing, editing, building my platform (and I still feel lost about that part of it); every moment I waste sleeping, eating, doing anything other than immersing myself in my work - I FEEL IT**. Little, invisible strings have grown along my skin and they are stretching toward this elusive future. It's a dreadful, exciting, wonderful feeling.

*Okay, okay - so I definitely want to have a baby - but this blog isn't about that!
**I also believe that you should make sure to live your life while writing - you'll never run out of material that way... it's just hard to step away from the ol' desk these days..



  1. Without question. It's grown into an obsession with the craft, yet I still feel like I'm only rowing with one oar. I wish you luck in your own struggle.

  2. ha! love the little clock. And I'm a bit lost on the whole platform thing too.

    The truth of the matter is, that first novel is the killer. It takes forever. Once you get that one done and out of the way, it's so much easier to focus on more. you don't have everything hinging on *one* after that. You start to feel like old hat.

    So honestly...just spit that novel out. Get that first draft down as fast as you can. You're going to rewrite and revise no matter what. Better to get it over with quick! In my opinion, anyway.

  3. I can sympathize entirely. I've been working like mad trying to get this first one finished and now sold, and my husband keeps begging me to slow down. "What's the hurry?" he asks. And for some reason, I feel like screaming, "It's not like I'm getting younger!" which totally doesn't make sense. But there it is.

    But that first book really and truly does make you and author in muc the same way that your first baby makes you a mom. You want the identity as much as the baby.

  4. Every step forward I take as a writer seems to be followed by six steps back.
    It's like I'm puttering along on a razor scooter and my career is flying down the turnpike in a Lamborghini. Kinda hard to catch.


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