Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Tuesday Funny: Objectification of Writers

I accidentally skipped the Friday Funny last week, so I'm making today Tuesday Funny :)

Some of you might already have seen this, but I HAD to share it with those of you who haven't! Nitsuh Abebe wrote this hysterical thing and he's given me permission to repost it here.   Enjoy :)
There is this thing currently going around tumblr about why dating a writer is good. I think it’s nice that this thing is going around, because I like writers, and lots of us could use more dates. As a writer who has dated people, though — including other writers — I would like to offer some correctives to this list.
The items in bold are the alleged reasons to date a writer. I have replaced the original commentary with my bleak corrective, in lightface.
  1. Writers will romance you with words. We probably won’t. We write for ourselves or for money and by the time we’re done we’re sick of it. If we have to write you something there’s a good chance it’ll take us two days and we’ll be really snippy and grumpy about the process.
  2. Writers will write about you. You don’t want this. Trust me.
  3. Writers will take you to interesting events. No. We will not. We are busy writing. Leave us alone about these “interesting events.” I know one person who dates a terrific writer. He goes out alone. She is busy writing.
  4. Writers will remind you that money doesn’t matter so much. Yes. We will do this by borrowing money from you. Constantly.
  5. Writers will acknowledge you and dedicate things to you. A better way to ensure this would be to become an agent. That way you’d actually make money off of talking people through their neuroses.
  6. Writers will offer you an interesting perspective on things. Yes. Constantly. While you’re trying to watch TV or take a shower. You will have to listen to observations all day long, in addition to being asked to read the observations we wrote about when you were at work and unavailable for bothering. It will be almost as annoying as dating a stand-up comedian, except if you don’t find these observations scintillating we will think you’re dumb, instead of uptight.
  7. Writers are smart. The moment you realize this is not true, your relationship with a writer will develop a significant problem.
  8. Writers are really passionate. About writing. Not necessarily about you. Are you writing?
  9. Writers can think through their feelings. So don’t start an argument unless you’re ready for a very, very lengthy explication of our position, our feelings about your position, and what scenes from our recent fiction the whole thing is reminding us of.
  10. Writers enjoy their solitude. So get lost, will you?
  11. Writers are creative. This is why we have such good reasons why you should lend us $300 and/or leave us alone, we’re writing.
  12. Writers wear their hearts on their sleeves. Serious advice: if you meet a writer who’s actually demonstrative, be careful.
  13. Writers will teach you cool new words. This is possibly true! We may also expect you to remember them, correct your grammar, and look pained after reading mundane notes you’ve left for us.
  14. Writers may be able to adjust their schedules for you. Writers may be able to adjust their schedules for writing. Are you writing? Get in line, then.
  15. Writers can find 1000 ways to tell you why they like you. By the 108th you’ll be pretty sure we’re just making them up for fun.
  16. Writers communicate in a bunch of different ways. But mostly writing. Hope you don’t like talking on the phone — that shit is rough.
  17. Writers can work from anywhere. So you might want to pass on that tandem bike rental when you’re on vacation.
  18. Writers are surrounded by interesting people. Every last one of whom is imaginary.
  19. Writers are easy to buy gifts for. This is true. Keep it in mind when your birthday rolls around, okay?
  20. Writers are sexy. No argument. Some people think this about heroin addicts, too.
Alternate solution: it will be pretty much like dating anyone else who likes to do a particular thing, you know?

Thanks for stopping by!!


  1. LOL!!! I hadn't seen this! These are all so funny! #2, 3, 18 and 19 are my fave. Thanks for sharing, Sara!

  2. LOL, I hadn't seen this yet, thanks for the smile. I need to post this on my wall at home or something lol

  3. Too funny! I definitely commit #6 all the time. I sent a link to my hubby...thought he could relate. Thanks for sharing, Sara.

  4. Hehe. That's fabulous. And so very true. We should probably start every new relationship with a warning: I'm a writer. Are you sure you wanna do this?

  5. Ha, ha, ha! That was fabulous. I loved it and totally true. :)

  6. Ha! Dude, it's kind of sad how true most of it is! (I'm financially fine, so there's no money borrowing...but the rest? *sigh*)

    He's a funny dude. :) Thanks for sharing this with us.


  7. Oops! That was supposed to say:

    You'd think I'd proof read my comments. But I don't.


    OMG! You're almost at 1,000 followers!!!

    I'll see what I can do to send a couple followers your way. :)

  8. Ha ha ha! Perfect - thanks for posting this! Love it! :-)

  9. That was pretty funny. I liked the part about talking on the phone.

  10. Yup, especially the imaginary people.

    Thanks for sharing!

  11. Ha ha, that's so true! Thanks for the funny to brighten my day. :)

  12. Ha! Funny stuff! I keep meaning to tell you that I love the newish photo you have of you on the blog! It's so pretty! Your feet are nice, but the smile is better! ;)

  13. I haven't seen the original but your comments add a lot more humour - and plausible insight - into the whole thing. Love it!

  14. No way! I really am a writer after all!

  15. I saw this on tumblr. So funny and so true!!! Thanks for sharing ;o)

  16. Funny. Thanks for sharing. I haven't seen this list before.

  17. Too funny! Thanks for making me laugh before I go off to a three hour lecture.

  18. I like these pointers and being a writer it is a refreshing take on it. Thanks for the post.

  19. SO TRUE. And so funny! Thank you for your congratulations too! :D


Yay! I love when you have things to add :)