Friday, April 2, 2010

Friday Funny

You've had a long week. You deserve to laugh.

 It's time for the Babbling Flow's Friday Funny!!

Because sometimes you just need to laugh at other people.
Today? It's ME.

Enjoy. And trust me: When you think it's bad? Keep reading. 

It. Gets. Worse.

I don't really hide the fact that I'm shy. Well, maybe I do--if you follow this blog I might seem kinda outgoing. But in real life? It's pretty hard for me to do things by myself--especially when I'm meeting people I don't know.

However, at the VA Festival of the Book--I did pretty well! I talked to people--including agents and authors (like the super sweet PJ Hoover) and barely even had any butterflies. Go me!

But at night? That one, fated weekend night when I stayed by myself? Oh man. I remembered why I get nervous by myself.  Here's why:

It's evening time and I've just come from a science fiction panel. I stop for a beer (fine, two) in historic Charlottesville--it's a beautiful day, so I sit outside at a restaurant in the downtown mall and people-watch. By myself. AND I enjoy it.  (Ok, so I bbm a lot of the time, but it still counts.) I even get invited to a frat party! (I didn't go though... you know, kegstands the night before the festival probably would have been a bad idea.)

When I get back to my hotel, I'm feeling more comfortable with doing things by myself. I suddenly remember all the movies I've gone to alone (I really do like to do that) and realize that doing other things alone could be just as easy.

I decide to go out to dinner instead of ordering in. There are plenty of little bar/restaurants by the hotel. I throw on a dress and rummage through my bag for the boots I brought. I love boots. Have a major fetish, in case you didn't know that. LOVE them. And I'd packed a pair of brown riding boots. The only problem is that usually it's my husband's job to help me get them on. Seriously, I am almost incapable of doing it without help. I'll lie down on a bed and stick a foot out, pulling at the boots while he pushes to get them over my heels. Teamwork at its finest.

The first boot goes on ALMOST smoothly. It only takes me about two minutes of pushing and pulling and hopping around. I'm pretty proud of myself. Then comes the second boot. The dreaded right foot. I kid you not, it takes me five minutes to wrangle that thing on--and I'm sweating by the end of it.

But eventually it's done. Boots are on, I'm ready to go. I transfer things from one purse to another and head out. I walk a couple blocks and find a fun little pub and decide to eat dinner there. The host sits me at a table against a wall in a room with just a few tables. The other tables are filled and I'm definitely in NOT in a tucked away spot. But it's okay. I order a beer, I bbm some more. I take out notes I'd made about Shattered to consider.

While I sit there, I'm quite proud of myself, to be honest. I notice that at a table near me, there are two boys and a girl--they all look maybe 17 or so, but they're drinking so either they were 21 or had fakes. (Or I'm just really getting older and like to think that I look 21, so therefore real 21 year olds clearly look like teenagers still.) But all three of them are looking at me--not at once, at separate times. But it's obvious that something's been said about me and they're trying to be subtle.

I smile at them, instead of staring down into my lap like I really want to do. See, I'm making progress. Branching out. One of the boys strikes up a conversation, and here's how the rest of it goes down.  (My thoughts, as always, are in purple)

So what are you in town for?

The book festival. 
Ugh, and here I thought I could pass as a college kid.
Do you guys go to UVA?

Yeah. So, is your service taking as long as ours is? This place sucks!

Oh, I don't know. I just ordered. I got my--
Okay. Keep it together.
I'll just cross my ankles as close to the wall as I can. Nobody will notice.
beer pretty quickly.
Dear face, PLEASE stop heating up. I don't want to look like a tomato. Much less a tomato that doesn't know how to wear matching shoes.
(tries to look busy going through my notebook)
Dear boy, Please stop talking to me. 
O.M.G. PLEASE don't anybody notice me. 

The boy continues to make small talk. I continue trying to squeeze my feet magically through the wall. Their food arrives. My food arrives. They take FOREVER to finish eating. Clearly I wasn't going to get up and leave until they were gone. And even then it was gonna be hard to leave knowing that any of the other people might notice me.

They finally leave. I immediately ask the waiter for my check, chug the rest of my beer and smile at him--SO happy to be able to leave--when he brings my check. I reach in my purse for my wallet. And:





Yep, I'd left it in my other purse. All I have in this purse? FIVE DOLLARS.

I have to beg the waiter to let me go back to the hotel to get my wallet so I can pay for my meal.

So with my face blazing, two different boots dragging along the floor in shame, I walk back for my wallet. In my room, I grab my wallet and CLEARLY change into flip-flops. Then I go back to pay.

Most embarrassing night ever.

Oh, and to add insult to injury?  Fast forward to the next day. I park a few blocks away from the festival. When I walk in, I see a guy all decked out in steampunk apparel. Turns out his name is Nick Valentino and he's selling his steampunk book, Thomas Riley. Nick's super friendly and in my mind, I'm like, hey--Derek and Alexandra are into punk genres, I'll get them some signed books! So I'm chatting with Nick and he's grabbing the books for me.

I reach into my purse to grab my wallet.




Again, I have to explain that I've left my wallet somewhere (this time in the other purse in my car) and run out to get it before I can pay.

And this, my friends, is WHY I GET NERVOUS TO DO THINGS BY MYSELF.

PS These are the two different boots I had on:

Happy friday! Hope you got a laugh =)

♥ me


  1. Heh. This is so totally something I would do.


    Not that I *know* anything about it. Not at all. Nope.

  2. That's pretty funny, even though you texted me when these things happened :-P

    If that had happened, to me, though, I would have cried.

  3. Were they both left feet too? LOL. I once put my shoes on the wrong feet and couldn't figure out why my back was hurting all day! - G

  4. Haha!! Nice to see the boots that went with this story. But I love this retelling. I hadn't heard about Nick Valentino, though. Dude, we're total Twitter buddies. Well, ok, so maybe not buddies. More like, he follows me, I follow him.

    Yeah, total buddies for sure.

    I promise we won't let you wear different boots in LA. Unless it's too funny to resist. And then we might let you go for just a little while. But I swear we'll tell you before we meet any important people. Probably.

    P.S. Totally hot boots. Both of them.

  5. OMG, you are cracking me up! this is hilarious!
    Let me know how the Thomas Riley book is. I saw that table there and almost bought.
    And we should get together this summer when I'm in town!

  6. Oh dear! hahaha I'm so sorry! But at least the boots were both a shade of brown :)

  7. Yikes!! Love the boots - but, yeah, they probably look better with their mates than with each other!!

    Glad you survived :)

  8. Ha! That's something I would do--the wallet thing, at least.

    I like going to movies and eating out alone, too. Sometimes it's just night to people watch and watch people watch you, wondering why you're alone.

  9. LOL.... That's pretty funny. I think the lack of wallet would have been more embaressing than the boot thing, but that's just my take. The different boots could have totally been played off as a gimick or sales pitch. It could go like this.

    THEM: "Hey, so, um... why is it you are wearing two different boots."

    YOU: "Oh, I'm glad you noticed, see, I'm an author and in my newest novel __________ (insert title here) I have a character that wears different boots. It's kind of a gimmick really to get people interested in my new book. Keep an eye out for it, I'm hoping to have it published soon."


  10. OMG! You totally crack me up! That is the funniest thing I have heard in ages! Oh, you poor thing. And not having your wallet TWICE?! Argh! :-)

  11. Oh man... It's always bad when you make the mistake twice, isn't it? Sheesh! At least they trusted you to leave and come back. I'm sure it could have been worse. *hugs*

  12. Sara, this is so funny! Well, now that it's over. I would've been more mortified over forgetting my wallet!

    Once during college I wore my sweatpants on backwards. All. Day. Long. My friend happened to be wearing the same ones that day (they were university sweatpants-we didn't match on purpose!). When we were standing next to each other in the cafeteria line at the end of the day (of course), someone pointed it out. Loudly. In a room packed with other students. It was pretty funny, though!

  13. OMG - this is so me! Well, not the boot thing, but the wallet thing for sure. I HATE changing purses, so I almost never do!

    Poor thing!!!!!

    FYI - I live 45 minutes from C-ville, so maybe you can either a) stay with me when the next festival comes around or b) I can go drink beers and eat dinner with you (or both!)

    Between the two of us, ONE of us is bound to have a wallet, right??


  14. Oh my goodness Sara! I know I'm really late with the comment but I'm home sick today and decided to look around other peoples blogs and I saw "the embarrassing incident" and I was curious. I've never had the different boots and a wallet that likes to switch purses on me. :) But I'm also super shy in person so I know how the "Elmo red" blush goes. Your story, I'm sure at the time wasn't so laughable but I had my laugh today, I hope you did to when you got home!

    Oh, and I also go to movies alone. When I want to see a movie and no one else can or will go with me, I'm fine just picking up and going by myself. Plus it's dark in the movies and it's not like anyones going to be watching you. Oh another by the way, I LOVE Ryan but I have so many other crushes so I (with much reluctance) suppose that you can maybe have him. :)


Yay! I love when you have things to add :)