Monday, January 11, 2010

Sucky Dialogue

True Story

Sara wakes up on Friday morning excited. She skips out to her car. The ground is covered in dirty slush, and it's freezing outside. But in Sara's mind, the sun is shining and birds are singing. Why? Well, because today's the day her laptop gets to come home from the computer hospital. No more having to use a second-hand old laptop with zero programs that she needs and no capability to download. Yipee!! She leaps and twirls into the store, with a grin from ear to ear.

Tech Dude: Yes?
Sara (after waiting 15 minutes): Hi! My laptop is supposed to be in today! I'm sooooooooooooooo excited! Here's the info so you can find it...
Tech Dude (comes back with laptop): Here it is. Here's the note that the hospital left about it
Sara (reads note out loud...gets a funny feeling in her stomach): Everything looked fine. No work necessary? (looks up) What does this mean?
Tech Dude: That it didn't need any work.
Sara: So, you're telling me, I've been sans laptop for 15 days for no reason?
Tech Dude (shrugs): Looks like it.
Sara: But. But... I don't understand. It didn't work for me.  It didn't work for other tech dude when I dropped it off two weeks ago. Do laptop miracles exist?
Tech Dude: Looks like it. Here you go. (pushes laptop to Sara)
Sara (stomach sinks further, but she tries to hold on to the shred of possibility that there was some sort of laptop miracle): Um. Can we just check that it works here, before I take it home? Just to be sure?
Tech Dude: Okay.
(The unlikely duo turns on the computer. It's still broken. The exact same way it was the day Sara brought it in.)
Tech Dude: Hm. That's weird. I guess we have to send it back. Come back in two weeks.
Sara (dies on the inside because she's now crying in public): For two m-m-more weeks?
Tech Dude: Yep.
Sara: But what if they just send it back? Can you write a note for them to make sure they fix it this time? Can you speed up the process? I can't wait another 15 days. I might die!
Tech Dude: It's going to be 15 days.
Sara: But can't you do anything? I know it's not you personally, but your team messed up.
Tech Dude: 15. Days.
Sara: But I'm a writer. Okay. So I don't make money yet or anything. But I'm a writer... that's my job. I need my computer.
Tech Dude: 15 Days.
Sara (shoulders slump, chin drops): Um. Sorry for blubbering. I'll see you in two weeks.

This time Sara notices the slush on the way home. The sky is overcast. The birds are gone. She throws herself onto her couch and stares at the secondary laptop she's been using.

Sara: Laptop, I hate you. You suck. You're slow and unfriendly.
Laptop: ...
Sara: I can't even look at you right now.

Sara hides the laptop behind the couch and decides she's going to play Mario on Wii for the day instead of doing anything writing related. She slips the disc in and waits for it to load. It doesn't load. She hits eject. Nothing comes out. She hits eject again. Nothing again.

30 minutes later, after another 30 attempts and one failed try at disassembling the Wii, Sara has a ridiculous thought.  She reaches a half foot over and hits the eject button on the DVD player.

Success.  Bittersweet success.


  1. Aw...poor Sara. Isn't tech support FUN? I'm surprised you didn't shove something somewhere VERY unpleasant. I might've been tempted. And I'll be hoping this time they'll get it fixed for you--fingers AND toes crossed.

  2. This post is so sad. Can't believe they didn't fix your computer. Techies are such idiots sometimes. So glad my husband knows how to fix everything. So sorry you don't have a computer to work on and not even a wii to play, but kudos on opening the DVD player - mine isn't working lately.

  3. I could feel my heart breaking along with yours. That`s a whole month!!! :(

    I`ll send along some thoughts of my freshly made chocolate chip cookies. Maybe that`ll help a little bit.

  4. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
    Albert Einstein

    Demand your laptop back at no charge and go somewhere else. Most places I've been to turn it over in a day unless they need to order parts.

  5. SO sorry. I had a similar conversation with my internet provider a few months ago when they kept telling me there was nothing wrong with my connection, it must be my computer. And the computer people were telling me it must be my internet provider. Gotta love customer service.

  6. Oh, you poor girl! You've had a tough day. It might not have been a good day for you, but your post totally made me smile!

    I hope your tomorrow is better. : )

  7. Oh, Sara! I'm so sorry about your computer. I think I would have to demand a refund and go somewhere else. But at least you do have a backup. If my computer dies, I have nothing. Would probably curl up in shock or something.

  8. :( Well that just sucks. But the story was a little funny...especially the part where you eject a Wii game from your DVD player. Nice.

  9. This reminded me of my experience with the stupid Future Shop techies about a year ago. Our laptop started acting all funky so we took it in and they basically accused me of spilling stuff on it, then lost our warranty and almost shredded it, and then kept it for an extra two weeks as well. I wanted to hiss and poke some eyes out.
    It ended up having a virus and needed to be wiped, so thank goodness I had a backup. But, sadly, no backup computer, just good old pen and paper.
    Hopefully they fix it for you this time!

  10. I feel so sorry for you and completely sympathize. My laptop charger went out and had to wait for the replacement to come in...it felt like ages!! It wasn't close to to fifteen days though, ahh! the pain!

  11. Ouch! Dude, that sucks. I feel your pain.

  12. Loved the way you turned a crappy experience into a sweet story. My story most likely would have included lots of screaming and swearing and possibly the element of fire.

  13. Really? They really didn't fix the problem and expected you to be okey-dokey about the whole thing? You, my friend, are way too nice. Okay, I probably would have thrown a temper tantrum IN MY MIND while staring at Tech Dude with a quivering chin IN REALITY...but still.
    I hope they fix it for real this time!

  14. Aaaaah laptop repair fail! Dude, if Id been you I wouldn't be crying, Id be throwing laptops across the room!! GIVE ME A RENTAL!!!! OMG Im sooo sorry, I feel your pain!

  15. How awful! My hubby has been without his laptop for a couple of weeks, so he's been borrowing mine. I thought that was hard. You poor thing! :-)

  16. Next time, leave a note with the laptop:

    Please note, when my laptop was working, I was able to access the naked photos of my dear friend Megan Fox taken after the Tranformers II premier afterpaty. But now it's not working. Please fix the problem so that the pictures will become accessible. Thank you kindly. In good faith, Sara McClung.

    Perhaps that will help????

    Sorry for the bad bit of luck. Rotten weasels.

  17. That's awful! I don't think I could do without mine for that long!! You are a stronger woman than I... on a side note: I love Mario on the Wii!

    I hope you get it back sooner than later! Dang tech peeps, they just don't understand ;o(

  18. I'm so sorry! You have my sincere sympathy. Techs never understand. You might try Carolina's suggestion, it could work, you never know.

    To cheer you up there's a blog award, a Happy Award incidentally, waiting for you on my site. Thanks for your terrific blog, Sara!


  19. Ouch! I feel your pain. Although I was totally entertained by your expression of the pain.

  20. Aww, Sara! That sucks! *hugs* I hope it comes back to you really soon. Like, in less than 15 days, so you can be all "Take *that*, Tech Dude!"


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