"WORDS ARE, IN MY NOT-SO-HUMBLE OPINION, OUR MOST INEXHAUSTIBLE SOURCE OF MAGIC. CAPABLE OF BOTH INFLICTING INJURY, AND REMEDYING IT." ~ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

Saturday, January 2, 2010

An Almost Kiss Scene...

Frankie Mallis, of Frankie Writes, is hosting today's No Kiss Blogfest. (Click the link to find the other blogs participating!)  In her own words:
Totally inspired by Sherrinda, I'd like to announce The No Kiss Blogfest! We'll be posting scenes from our WIPs, favorite books, movies, and tv shows that show the almost kiss-- the rising, crushing, excruciating, longing, tension that comes from when two characters get oh-so-close to kissing that you can just feel it....and then...they don't! 
I had so much fun with Sherrinda's Official Kissing Day Blogfest, (my post is here) that of course I jumped at the opportunity to participate in today's blogfest as well!

I usually only write with past tense POVs. So for today's blogfest, I wrote a new scene and used it as an excuse to push my boundaries of a writer. It's written from two different POVs and it's present tense... (So bear with me, as I've never written this way before!) (And, also, thanks to Shannon for some last minute proofreading!)

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(Abby)

Logan is dead. My brother. He’s gone. I don’t understand.
Last night, he ruffled my hair while we watched a movie. I was annoyed. Annoyed! So I tripped him when he left and he slammed his elbow into the corner of the doorway. It was his turn to be irritated—but only in that “you’re such a pest, but I still love you because you’re my little sister” kind of way. At least we grinned at each other before the door closed... at least there’s that.
When Reed knocks at the door, I open it to let him in. His deep gray eyes are as red rimmed as mine and we stand, for a moment, in silence. He’s Logan’s best friend. His roommate. And he’s the skeleton in my “I secretly love you, always have and always will” closet.
Today though, for the first time, my heart barely jolts at his touch when he puts his arm around me. I duck my face into his neck yearning for the comfort of his scent. As always, he smells of fresh fallen leaves on the morning after a night of rain. But the calm I search for sidesteps me and, instead, my eyes and nose begin to flow again. I sniffle into his skin and am belatedly embarrassed by the thought of what my snot must feel like against his throat.

(Reed)
Her shoulders shake against my chest and her tears fall silently into my neck. I smooth a few strands of hair that huddle against my chin and let my hand rest against her back.
I’m ashamed at what I feel as Abby’s body presses into mine. She’s Logan’s sister—off limits—and now’s not the time.
Because Logan is dead.
As the thought sinks in, I clear my throat to divert tears of my own. Abby shifts at the sound and pulls back just enough to look up at me. I can’t help myself. I cup her cheek and brush away a tear with my thumb.
Her green eyes are bright with sorrow, and yet still they pierce through my resolve. I force myself to look away and my gaze falls to her mouth. Her lips, just slightly parted, tremble as though in battle against tears. Again, shame floods through me at the temptation to close the distance between us. But the need. Oh, the need is there and it’s stronger than the shame. 
My lips graze her forehead… her right cheek… the left corner of her mouth…
Now my lips tremble. Like a magnet, they’re pulled toward hers. I pause—close enough to feel the shape of her mouth in the sliver of air between our faces. But here, in this instant, she takes a shaky breath. Anticipation? Fear? Grief? Whatever the cause, it jolts me back to reality—to the realization of what I’ve almost done.
 I jerk away from her.
“Christ, Abby, I’m sorry.” I run a hand through my hair, hating myself when her eyes fill once more. “This is the last thing you need. I… It won’t happen again.”
I stride to the other side of the room and resist the urge to punch a wall. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her reach out a hand, but by the time I turn to face her again, it’s dropped back to her side and she won’t meet my eyes.


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Thanks for reading!!

On a lighter note, I'll leave you with one of my favorite almost kiss moments... From the MTV awards—I saw it the night it aired, and all I can really say is... SIGH



♥ me

37 comments:

  1. I like, I like! I need to do this... Hopefully I will be able to do it, too, but I don't know if I can top yours!

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  2. Love it, Sara. Your male voice sounds very authentic, too. Great work!

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  3. My dear, your experiment was successful, I'd say. That's some very effective writing! I especially like the second POV. Love the hand reaching out glimpsed from the corner of the eye!

    Well done!

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  4. Great scene Sara - you did a good job of getting us into both of their heads... and of making us anticipate another scene not too far into the distant future :)

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  5. I loved this! Really great job, and I would never guess you don't usually write present tense. I could totally feel everything that both characters were going through. I hope you write the rest of the book to go along with this scene!

    Here's mine: http://valeriekwrites.blogspot.com/2010/01/almost-kiss-for-no-kiss-blogfest.html

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  6. I really felt this one. Sometimes love is requited...sounds like another yes-kiss scene is coming.

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  7. I really like the different perspectives! It was an awesome scene. Oh, I also like how you compared their lips to magnets.

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  8. awesome aaaaaah they needed to kiss!!! This is killing me!!! Nice job!!! Thanks for participating!!!

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  9. I admire you ability to write something so intense and believable just for the fest!

    Great job.

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  10. Wow, fantastic job! I could feel their longing for each other as well as the agony they were experiencing. And nice job using present tense:)

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  11. You've did 2 POVs brilliantly! And I love that you get both sides of the story. My current WIP switches POVs too, so I feel your pain about trying something new. One scene and I'm already wanting these two to kiss and "live happily ever after." :)
    My Blog

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  12. Yayyy for challenging yourself! I think you did a great job with it. And (despite the tension and sad storyline) I giggled that the "snot" on Abby's POV is "tears" in Reed's POV. If only he knew...

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  13. your no-kiss post is the first i've read in present tense. I loved it, which is saying a lot because i'm usually not a present tense fan : )

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  14. You captured that moment in grief when the need to live, to feel passion, is overwhelming. But he is honorable and diverts, leaving them both bereft of that comfort. Good job!

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  15. I love this. I liked how they both want each other and because of Logan's death, they now are feeling that need, but won't act on it. It's tragic. Great job.

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  16. I think I love it even more this morning. Well done Sara--and I really hope you continue with this in some way/shape/form because I want to read more!

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  17. Big brother's best friend...so romantic. Excellent job! I felt everything right along with them.

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  18. Wow, that is intense. Grief brings such heavy emotions and I liked how you brought that into the intimacy of an almost-kiss. Nice!

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  19. It's so awesome that you are pushing what you usually don't do. I love to do that--writing is such a great way to try out things.

    This is my favorite line, by the way:
    "I pause—close enough to feel the shape of her mouth in the sliver of air between our faces."

    That was a great scene--you did a good job, trying something different!

    I also wrote something new for this...I don't think I have ever written a no-kiss scene before. Not that I can remember, after looking!

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  20. Wow, this was intense. I love that he backs away in this one because I think he'll come back to her again. I definitely would love to read more of this :D

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  21. I love your voice! Intense scene! Good work!

    I love that scene of Kristen and Rob!!!

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  22. I think the present tense really ups the tension of this scene! I hope he gets over this off limits business!

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  23. Great scene! And OMG I remember that almost kiss at the MTV movie awards. I think that was the only time I enjoyed Kristen Stewart's acting. LOL

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  24. Wow, great excerpt! I love the present tense and the two different points of view! I was on the edge of my seat the whole time! Great tension! And I love the clip of Rob and Kristen! It was all so hawt! Great job! :D

    ~Ella

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  25. Okay how cosmic is this? "Almost Lover" is the song playing on your player right now as I read your blog entry! It totally goes with the whole almost kissing thing, even if it is kind of a depressing song.

    The only reason I'm not going to BEG you to write an entire manuscript (or at least a longer short story) about these two characters is because the short (dare I call it a flash?) is so perfect already! However... if you've already got some plans for them, I'll be enormously happy!

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  26. Loved the POV change, and their obvious confusion and greif, it was amazing! I want to know more, just riveting!

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  27. That was really, really good. I think it's safe to say you succeeded with your experiment.

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  28. What does he mean it can't happen again?? Great scene, well done!

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  29. Ooooo, I loved the guy's POV! The temptation...feeling her lips through the sliver of air....nicely done!

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  30. Aw, well done, Sara! Nice tension, believable...sucked me in. So much said without saying it all. A perfect example of flash fiction. Loved the present tense, too. You know that's how I write, so it suits me perfectly, but I'd never guess that's not how you normally write. Loved it.

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  31. I love scenes/books written from two POVs! The Time Traveler's Wife was one of my favorite reads of 2009, and I'm reading and loving Shiver right now. I think you did it well, too - it's great because you get to learn everyone's thoughts.

    And that MTV kiss cracks me up...I love that they totally make fun of themselves and then don't even deliver! It's kind of great.

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  32. It's cool to see the scene from both character's perspectives. Very intense! Great work, Sara!

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  33. That was amazing !
    I want to read more (:

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  34. LOVE the POVs! Sara you did it again. Great scene!!! yay! it was so much fun to read these!

    ;o) Happy New Year!

    BTW did you get your prize? If not let me know, I may need to track it. I sent it right before the holiday. ;o)

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  35. Wow, this was great Sara. I think it was my favorite so far. I loved the two different point of views and all the grief and shame just below the surface. That makes for some interesting conflict.

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  36. Spectacular, Sara! both POVs were expertly executed and the present tense was *so* effective. Beautiful work!

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  37. Whoa! Sara, great writing! Tension, feelings, everything! LOVED IT! I would definitely want to read more of this! Thank you for coming over and reading my scene and posting your comment as well! :)

    PS Happy New Year! :)

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Yay! I love when you have things to add :)